The Advice shared by My Father That Rescued Us as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to open up among men, who often absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."